Neighbour's Envy, Owner's Pride - I

In India there is this little television making company called Onida, which used to have an advertising campaign with the catchphrase "Neighbour's Envy, Owner's Pride". The TV usually had a satanic/demonic sort of masculine creature (complete with forked tail, trident and horns) draped all over the telly. In the background you could hear a neighboring couple squabbling about something. Apparently, the campaign deployed a very 'keep up with the Joneses" sort of logic. The neighboring family quarreled because they didn't have the Onida telly.

It is very recently, that I have started thinking of creating a concept to explain this phenomenon (and I contend it IS one). I call it 'product envy'. Product envy occurs when the acquisition of something by an individual leads to a desire to acquire the same in another individual in a sort of demonstration effect.

Now most people find it really problematic to reconcile the fact that I am lefty with the fact that I also have a penchant for nice clothes (not necessarily expensive) and shoes. To me being lefty is an aspect of my personal politics. I don't think one has to look like a complete slob t0 be considered lefty. But to many people if you are lefty, you can't be shopping, you can't be hoarding shoes in your closet (as I do) and you certainly can't be wearing perfume all the time. The JNU-jhola lefty is also just an indigenous stereo-type. It is a fashion statement and many JNU types (also like me) shop regularly at a brand name clothes line, namely FabIndia (which is not exactly cheap either).

To me consuming products was a way of life. Something I had grown up with. The politics of the left entered my life much later than the time that my personal fashion preferences were forged. Apparently, the argument often goes, I need not bash up on neo-liberalism if I consume the very products neo-liberalism produces. I should instead embrace neo-liberalism. The reason why these arguments often take the shape they do is simply because many people elide the fact that one is left-leaning with the supposition that one is also deeply communist, opposed to capitalism, etc. Nothing could be further from the mark. Being anti-capitalist does not necessarily stand for someone who hates all brands and everything with the established order. It means one dissents against certain production regimes, unfair trade practices, the exploitation of labor in the developing world, etc and hence pushes for change.

So to many people who disagree with the left (and those who don't truly know anything about the left and hence disagree with it) I am a very easy target. If I stand in nice shoes and say something about getting rid of sweatshops in China, most people have a knee-jerk reaction, "look who's talking". Pejoratively, people like me are called BoBo's or bourgeois bohemian.

So I have struggled for some time to understand this. Would people find my politics more palatable if I dressed down? If I wore the torn sneakers or frayed jeans and flipflops. If I had unkempt hair or if I wore hippie skirts, kurta and jeans? In many ways if you dress in the expected way people have an easier time mapping your politics onto your appearance. But for the most part, they react in pretty much the same way regardless of how you dress.

In the last two years I have seen many couples fighting. Most often the fights boil down to finances - either too much or too little. Wives coming in from India to the US and wives in India have certain expectations. They want to be taken care of and indulged. This doesn't always happen. Men prefer saving for a new car, laptop or down payment for a house. I have heard women complain about not having eaten at expensive restaurants, not getting birthday gifts, or tricking husbands out of money to have some more to spend. Men are curious about other men's salaries, they compete in a very different manner, which I must confess I don't fully understand, so I will mostly restrict my comments to the female side. A friend of mine recently told me how in the middle-east men compete to give gifts to their wives. So if person A gives a Chanel handbag to his wife, person B cannot gift her a bag from XoXo.

Often I have seen people (both men and women) withhold approval of another person's house, car and gadgets for no apparent reason. Alternatively, they find fault with it. Almost as if finding fault is an exercise in asserting power. A control-drama, if you will! I usually gush when I like something, but just observing other people's behavior I realize others become sour and quiet when they see something they like and don't possess it themselves. Some people will also focus on the things that are 'not right' during a dinner party, for instance - the potatoes have too much salt, etc. (I remember this one incident a 15 years ago when a very critical woman called Pinky Aunty once told my Mom, "Everything was perfect, but I found one mistake. The cake in your Alaska Bombe should have been a sponge cake". My mom, a career educator for two decades, who was refreshingly not obsessed with cooking (but could cook up a storm if she decided too) was pretty annoyed, but thanked Pinky Aunty for the input. At the time I didn't understand the manner in which adult women compete. Reflecting on this incident, I realize my reaction to this comment would have been absolutely virulent. My mom, on the other hand, handled it gracefully with a smile, always the perfect hostess. Note to self: should learn something from my mom about handling situations in which I get angry, instead of turning into the Incredible Sulk.)

To be continued...